The Unspeakable...

So....

I have a student with a health problem.

A pretty serious one.

It's called encopresis.

Not exactly the greatest health problem to have in middle school, mind you.

So today, the bell rings and I am gearing myself up for the start of 1st period when in walks this particular student.

I don't notice anything out of the ordinary. I'm just greeting students coming through the door.

Sidenote - remember that Practicum student who didn't show last week? Yeah. She's here today. Just for this.... ;)

As I re-enter the classroom, it's evident something's awry.

One of my more outspoken students - who am I kidding, the kid has NO idea what tact is - points out to me that there is "Dog poop." On the floor.

And yes, my friends, there was real-live feces on the floor of my classroom, but I knew instantaneously that it did not come from an invisible dog roaming the halls of the school.

I look up to find the student (I am the only one in the room who knows about his condition) and he's not in the classroom. I'm thinking, "Good - he went to go take a shower," since the school counselors have talked to him about this procedure, "and I don't have to say a word."

Meanwhile, I have human feces on my floor with a classroom full of students making "EWWWWW" faces at me.

I'm sorry - was this in the training manual?

I immediately get the class working on the journal prompt and go to the phone to call the custodian who doesn't answer. So, I call the front desk. "Hi, this is Mrs. Brown. Can you page [the custodian]? I've got feces on the floor of my classroom . . . Yes, I'm in room 218. . . Okay, thanks."

And I'm freaking out because I don't want my students making a fuss about it and I don't want this particular student to feel singled out and I don't want poop on my floor!

But that's an internal freakout. When this student re-enters the room to go sit down, it's apparent (to my nose) that he did not procede immediately to the showers. In the most discreet way I could, I asked the student to step outside. "Did you have an accident?" I asked him quietly.

"No," he responds.

Of course, Cali! Why would he actually tell you the truth, here! This is embarrassing and you're his teacher. A GIRL teacher at that. Why would he actually admit to you that he soiled his pants?

"Oh okay - that's fine. Hey, Mr. (name-of-counselor) called while you were gone. He wanted to see you this morning. Why don't you head down there now?"

"Uh - okay..." he stammers as he leaves.

In one motion, I re-enter the classroom and call the counselor to let him know to "be expecting a student who's in need of school services." Good thing I've talked to this counselor before because he knew just what I meant.

Did I handle it perfectly? No. When the student re-entered the classroom, several students physically moved away from him (despite our assigned seating) because of the smell. Did I talk to them about it privately? Yes, but I reminded them to stay on task and focus on the work and I would take care of the smell.

GAH. My heart just hurts for this student... What could I have done more? How could I have made everything less obvious?

When the custodian came into the room to clean it up he asked, "Is there anywhere else that needs cleaning?" For precautions sake, I pointed to this students' desk (he had already left) and the custodian wiped it down with bleach solution. DIDN'T I JUST MAKE EVERYTHING OBVIOUS? But wasn't that also the best and most responsible thing to do?

Gah.

This practicum student is sitting here watching me fumble through everything for 1st period and I'm just pleading to myself, "Please don't let her think I'm a horrible teacher..." Why? Because I thought the intern I was assigned to for my practicum was a bum. Was he? No, but he was so negative about the profession and about his experience and I thought I could do better.

Oh heavens... I probably deserved today. Prideful baby teacher. I think I've learned my lesson.