Merry Christmas to Me!

The days before break are pretty humorous. Half the student body has checked out physically and left on their Christmas adventures, and the other half has checked out mentally. Most of the students who walked into my classroom today were like, "What? We're actually doing something today in class? We should just cancel school and have a Christmas party!"

Hmm...

As I talk with other teachers, most of them read the Christmas Carol earlier last week and they are watching the movie over these next few days (thank you, common core, for including a standard where students must compare and contrast two different genres like a play and a movie). However, I had one of the veteran teacher here take my textbooks that had "The Christmas Carol" in it because she liked the version in the "old" books better.

Some other teachers are doing vocabulary exercises, reading Christmas stories, talking about Christmas traditions, etc.

I'm not going to lie - I tend to develop the beginnings of an ulcer when I have to plan around a holiday or break. I still HAVE to teach and my instruction has to be grounded in the standards, but most of my students won't be present (physically and mentally), so I don't WANT to teach a standard that they are REQUIRED to learn that is going to put them behind the rest of the class...

So, I got creative.

Ever heard of the book "A Creature Was Stirring?" It's a great children's book that another teacher showed me that tells the traditional Christmas story, "Twas the Night Before Christmas," but changes the point of view and includes snippets of asides from a little boy who tells the reader that the story is wrong! That a creature WAS stirring and that creature was him!

With my 7th graders, we read the story and talked about point of view, analyzing how the traditional story changed because of the contributions of this little boy (definitely grounded in the core, people). I then had them write letters to Santa from the point of view of a 5-year-old. After they did that, they had to write Santa's reply to their own letter from Santa's point of view. Those cute little 7th graders ate it up. Had a blast. I turned on some Christmas music (as a procedure, mind you. I said they were too loud if I couldn't hear the music, so it was a way to keep the noise under control.)

Of course, who walks in for 5 minutes while students are scribbling letters to Santa like 5-year-olds? Hello Vice-principal. So nice to see you here.

What would this lesson have looked like during these observations? Yeah - I think we all know the answer to that question.

Seriously? We're going to do observations the day before Christmas break? Hmmm.... Okay.

I just had to let it go. I was so overjoyed to see students having so much enthusiasm over this lesson - even my students who are IMPOSSIBLE to engage were writing and laughing and volunteering to share. So I'm calling it a success (no matter what that silly little 5-minute observation said).

And....Drumroll please... I think I've reached the point where I can't hope to do the same kinds of activities with my 7th graders as I'm doing with my 8th graders. There was no way I was about to read a Christmas Children's book to my 8th graders who are way too cool for school. So I found an article from the New York Times about the career of becoming a Santa and how Santa's actually have to go to school to learn how to be a good santa! I thought it was cool. And my 2nd period class of 8th graders thought so too.

4th period? We're not worrying about them today, but I'm ready to put my desks back into rows specifically for that ONE class. Sad how one of my classes can ruin my set-up for group work and collaboration!

I'm going to team up with some of the 8th grade teachers a little more to work off of some of the activities they do in their class because, heaven knows, my 8th graders can't always handle the energy of some of my lessons. But I'm adapting, so yay!

Some days work. Some days don't.

Today - well today worked charmingly.

Now, what to do with a 25 minute class period full of students aching to get out of school (while still having standard objectives to meet)? I guess I better Dash Away, Dash Away, Dash Away to get creative again!

I Can Do HARD Things!

I know. I know.

The blog has been a downer these last few days. Weeks. Yeah.

I think I need me some artificial sunshine because winter is taking its toll on me. Add it to the "If Only We Were Rich" Christmas List.

The hubs was really great this weekend to remind me that GOOD things are happening in my classroom. They are. But the heap-load of pressures for my students to perform well on common assessment and tests are building up to a breaking point. Good thing break is only 2 days away.

I promise. I'm sane. I might just be seriously hormonal. I have no idea why else tears would start to brim in my eyes during a STAFF meeting. What on earth is wrong with me?

We spent the morning looking at the new Utah Effective Teaching Standards. Good stuff, let me tell you. They are really upping the bar for teachers in Utah, which is not just a good thing. It's a GREAT thing.

But as they start to talk about how, within the next few years, teachers are going to be compensated based on their effectiveness (student test scores, teacher evaluations, parental feedback, etc.), I started to hyperventilate a little.

Yes... I'm doing everything I can to be a good teacher and I'm not afraid about raising the stakes. But, after looking at the UET standards, I know I'm no where near a 3 or 4 in any of those areas. I'm working on it, but I'm a work in progress! This is only my first go around! I'm improving, but I'm no where near THAT kind of teacher yet.

And though I have some parents who have already sung my praises to the high heavens, I've also had parents who've complained that I'm not doing enough for their child. Is that really going to be the difference between whether I keep my job or not? Whether I GET a job or not?

So when some 20+ years of experience teachers are starting to freak out a little bit about these same concerns, I can't help but freak out to an exponential degree.

Why would anyone hire me? I have no experience, I'm struggling to keep all of my students engaged while seeing to the differentiated needs in each of my classrooms, and, I'm two days away from break barely keeping it all together!

Bah. Hum. Bug.

I just felt like if any person were to come into one of my classes to observe me based on those new Effective Teaching Standards, I would get 1's across the board (which is fitting since I am a "Practicing" teacher, but not so wonderful for someone who so desperately wants to be an asset to her students and an asset to the school).

So...

I'm going to spend the rest of the day focusing on the great things that are happening in my class, I'm going to grade some awesome papers, I'm going to remind myself of the good things I am doing with my individual students, and I'm going to not think about being perfect at this moment (and let's face it - I'm not going to thing about trying to get a job right now. I'll leave that for a March. Maybe April. And if that's a bad thing... I'm going to do it anyway for my own sanity).

If I'm ANYTHING as a teacher, I'm the person who is never done looking for ways to improve.

(I just can't improve in every way all at once.)

Baby steps, little baby teacher. Baby steps.

Keeping to My Word...

Remember how I've warned 4th period (on countless occasions) that if they can't handle the interactive lessons in class, I'll become the "worksheet" teacher?

Today - I made good on my word.

They came in asking, "Are we presenting today?"

In the somber-est of somber-est voices, I answered, "No."

I waited for the bell to ring and broke the news. I started in a quiet voice, "I've warned you. I've warned you that if you can't behave and handle fun and energetic lessons, I will give you worksheet after worksheet to work on by yourself. (Dramatic Pause) Well, welcome to Mrs. Brown's worksheet class."

I had them read a story and fill out questions on a worksheet during class time.

I had a prompt on the board that asked my students to email me with other ideas for presenting their work... I told them I would give them points based on the sincerity of their answers.

And I got this:

"Dear Mrs. Brown,
          I think that instead of having presentations we could do a keynote, or just write a paper on what we learned, then if we tell you what we learned wrong we just write it again and again until we get it right."

and this...

"I think that we could get in groups and then do a presentation on a topic that you choose. And then we can just turn it in to you because most kids don't want to show the whole class what they did."

and this...

"Ummm. I think anything that doesn't involve presenting in front of the class would be good.  For example:

Presenting to your group
Reading in front of a partner
Presenting as a group
Presenting with a partner"

and this...

"We could get little cardboard fold up presentation boards and  get pictures and facts and evidence.   We could pair up with someone and have both of them present to the class.  We could get into a group and act it out. ( personally I don't really like that last one."

These were so great and I loved all the ideas. I also saw a pattern. I've got a class that LOATHES speaking in front of a lot of people (which is funny since they like to talk so much to the rest of the class when I'M talking.) This is great feedback for me and I'll use it in our next unit, planning group presentations or additional presentation assignments like a powerpoint or poster... 

And then I got this:

"I thing anything could work if you weren't so strict. Enlighten more because its not that big of a deal. How about you try being like Mr.Thomas or Mrs. Boyd? Be fun and you would be able to enjoy and not get so mad."

I wasn't mad or even hurt when I got it. I had to laugh because it was so funny to me. This came from one of my brightest but sassiest students who chose to play on facebook today just to spite me and my assignment. Then he got mad that I confiscated his iPad. 

So I sent him this in response:

"(Student),

I appreciate your feedback. The funny thing is that it's a cause and effect situation. You fool around? I have to enforce the rules. You feel punished/bored because I'm keeping to the rules so you fool around more - evidenced by your facebook usage in class today and your "I don't care" responses. So I have to continue to enforce the rules. It's a cycle!

I appreciate your advice. I know Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Boyd well and they are both great teachers who find fun ways for their classes to learn. You probably respect them because of that, right? Which means they probably feel like they can trust you with fun assignments, right? Again, it's all cause and effect. 

Show me you can be respectful and work with me, and I'll show you a Mrs. Brown who isn't so strict. I know you're frustrated with me, but I hope you better understand my frustration with your class. 

Have a great weekend, (student). 

Mrs. B"

Being a teacher is so funny... I have students that think I am the "Best Teacher Ever!" because I come up with fun things and I'm energetic in class and I bring everything home and relate it to their lives. I had one student (in my 4th period class, mind you) say at the start of class, "Mrs. Brown - I've learned more in your class so far than I learned at all in my class last year." I'm not doing it wrong. But I also have students like the ones above. Like I expressed yesterday, I wish I could be everything each of my students need individually, but I can't. 

I'm so grateful that there are other teachers and different kinds of teachers to fill in my own personal voids. But I'm also grateful to be me. To be the crazy energetic teacher who talks funny sometimes and comes up with weird ways to help students remember concepts in my classroom. I'm grateful to be the teacher who will not stand for disrespect in her classroom. 

So, I'm going home satisfied... and loaded down with things to grade. As always!

Taking Perfection Off the Table...

It's amazing - the emotional roller coaster I ride all day long.

Teacher have to be so many things for their students. They have to be...

- the validator. "You guys are doing such a great job! This is incredible work!"

- the rule giver. "A good audience has eyes and ears on the presenter at all times. That's what I expect to see from you."

- the compassionate compromiser. "I realize that you had a rough night last night, so take today and work on your assignment since you didn't get it done last night."

- the motivator. "This is a strategy that you can use in high school and college and in whatever career path you choose! You're already preparing!"

- the punisher. "Excuse me. I will not stand for that kind of disrespect in my classroom."

- the time-keeper. "You have 5 more minutes to finish your assignment!"

- the high-expectation holder. "Why did you not finish your project?" (student answer: "I didn't have enough time.") "You had plenty of time. I gave you lots of feedback to guide you, but I didn't see you use any of it. I saw you waste all of your revision time yesterday. I expect more from you and I know you can do better than this. I know you are much smarter than my gradebook seems to suggest. What are you going to do to show me how smart you are?"

- the grieving grader. "You've had an "I" in my class since the beginning of the term. Why have I not seen you in itime to get some extra help?"

- the deadline enforcer. "I'm sorry. You knew the assignment was due yesterday. You had time to work on it. You didn't use your time well and now you have to accept the consequences."

- the transparent strategist. "Guys... Why on earth would I waste two days of our class so that you could present your projects to other students?"

- the warning voice. "If you can't handle this kind of assignment, I have no problem with you writing me a 5 paragraph essay to persuade me not to become the teacher that gives you 10 worksheets at the beginning of the period and expects them to be done at the end of class. It's up to you."

- the incentives planner. "We're going to play some bingo, but it means you have to listen for the words I found in your final drafts. They aren't going to be obvious words, so you need to listen carefully! If you get a bingo, I will have a prize for you!"

But what only some of my students have seen is the teacher version of me who is heartbroken that being all of those things above is not enough for my students.

I went out. Spent my own gosh-darn money and bought candy for my students to celebrate their presentations. Everything went fine until 4 period. They ripped me to shreds. Said Bingo is for old people. Said they hated Laffy Taffy. Refused to present even when I warned them they'd be getting a grade for it. Told me the activity was stupid.

It was hard to not get emotional. I did get firm with them to let them know that I don't HAVE to plan fun things for them. I don't have to try so hard for them. I don't have to bring them candy at all. I choose to. Because I care. But if they don't want me to care so much, if they don't want me to fight for them and work hard for them, then so be it. They'll get the "Here's a worksheet. It's due at the end of the period. No one will talk or even think of talking." kind of teacher.

Will I always care about my students? Yes. Is all of that "I don't have to do these things for you..." talk a little empty? Yes. But I can't stop caring... That's the hardest part - caring for someone who could care less about what you do for them. Even with students refusing to present and calling my lesson stupid, I'm still assessing them and trying to find a reason. Maybe they were embarrassed about their topic choice or about how little work they actually did. Maybe they had the creativity and spark kicked out of them at home when they were little, so they're naturally negative and hurtful. Maybe.... there's a reason.

My thoughts at the end of this unit:

- I could still give students choices of genres, but I think I need each class to do the same genre. It was really hard to talk about genre rules with 3 different genres and 6 different groups doing different things. I like giving them a choice and having them in groups, but that doesn't mean that they all have to be doing something different. This will make model analysis a little easier as well.
- My initial rubric is totally useless. I'd created the rubric knowing what lessons I would need to teach, but my instruction changed according to my student needs, so now my rubric needs to change too. I like giving rubrics out early, but I need to leave room for those concepts that I may have covered after assessing student progress.
- I need to give students more guidance when it comes to topic choices. Some students did really well, but others chose to talk about their families and turned in a list of each of their family members, their ages and their hobbies which required no research at all. Bah. So much for that requirement in this unit!
- I need to come up with more engaging ideas for presenting information. I had thought that (since we did group sharing for our narratives) we could have a more formal presenting activity, but it's taking a really long time, the students are sometimes lifeless, and even I am wondering if there's a better way. My 4th period class, after I got really quiet and said, "Guys, I realize that some of you think this is lame. But you can't come up with that claim if you don't give me evidence and ideas about how to improve it." They told me they would rather create a powerpoint of their information so they didn't have to read as much in front of the class. It's one idea!
- I'm ready for Christmas break.

Still love my job. I promise. Just tired. And I'm realizing that perfection is so not attainable as a teacher. What works with one class is "lame" in the next.

And let's face it. My day always gets better after 4th period. Always.

By the Book...

Umm.... Remember all those warnings to keep doors open when it's just you and a male student in the room?

Well, all of those training conversations came flooding back yesterday and today. One of my 8th grade boys came after school to work on a test he had missed a few days before. Because it was just the two of us in my room, I immediately opened the door.

I gave him some instruction on the test, he finished, and then stayed. And talked. And chatted. And I had no idea how to politely tell him to go home! It was fun, don't get me wrong. He's a good kid. But I started packing up (early mind you, because I had no idea how to deal with this situation!) and he got the message. He left the classroom with me, started making offers to teach me Spanish, and began to walk me down the hallway. All my senses were on alert. I asked him where he was going and he pointed in the direction I was traveling. My gut told me to ask him where home was and he pointed in the opposite direction.

Okay.

So, I jokingly told him to "Go home! Get started on that homework!"

He replied with this, "But I don't need to be home right now. And you're really fun to talk to."

Um...

Was this in the training? Did we ever talk about this? I'm not sure what to do.

So, I was a little more firm this time and said, "(Student) - go home! I'll see you in class tomorrow. Don't forget to do your reading!" And then I scurried down the hall like I was in rush.

I'm probably overreacting. All of those horror stories have had way to much fun with my brain. But this is definitely a first.

Any advice? (Since he stopped by my classroom again today... to "teach Mrs. Brown some Spanish.") He's probably just a really friendly student, but I want to stay as far away from that line as possible!

Oh well - I spent all last night grading. But it was actually beneficial! I was giving students individual and detailed feedback about how they could improve their writing projects for the REAL deadline this week. Individual, detailed feedback x 160+ students is a LOT of work, but I think it will pay off given students' focus during our revision time today. They were really dedicated and interested in my feedback (especially since I reminded them that they had committed to use my feedback and if they didn't it was going to hurt!).

I'm getting all my grading done this week! Because my plan is to send out a parent newsletter before break as well as individual emails to the parents of my failing students. If I get all the grading done, then I can rightfully say the grades are up to date when I send those emails or make those calls. We'll see how it goes!

Oh - and another teacher donated a printer to me! Now I have a printer in my room! Woot! Woot! No more running downstairs every night to print my lesson plans! I'm moving up in the world.... What can I say?

It's all a little too real...

Last night we had THE discussion - the oh-my-gosh-I'm-really-moving-on-and-now-i-have-to-be-a-grown-up-and-get-a-job-by-myself discussion.

I might have started to hyperventilate. Just sayin.

It's all a little too real. Every time I allow myself to think about it too long, I am convinced that I've just been faking it. I'm a fake teacher. I have no idea if I am doing it right...

My husband's good to keep some sense in our conversations when I start to fall apart, and he was quick to remind me that I've only ever been told I'm doing good things.

But when my success is not determined by how well I incorporate aspects of good teaching but rather on my students and their abilities to do well on those state tests, I feel a little out of control.

Bah. Hum. Bug.

I spoke with the Department Chair last night and let him know that I was interested in a position at my current school. He encouraged me to be forthright and let the principal know in a very professional manner that I'm interested in a position at the school...

I just have to remember that I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.

Today students completed their book report. I tried something a little more traditional to see if I got different responses, but I'm still getting students who (after 4 weeks) are telling me that they had no idea they were supposed to have read a book. Which is the biggest ba-log-na I have ever heard since they know that reading at home is the only homework I give them in my class.

Oh well - the pile of grading keeps getting bigger and I hope it becomes more and more hopeful too.

I guess it's all about how you look at it.

So I'm going to get some rose-colored glasses. :D

Not Going to Say Much

Yup.

This post is not going to say much because, well, I'm a wreck.

The presentation on Edmodo this morning was rough. Lots of teachers, lots of questions, and lots of needing to repeat myself. I thought I was prepared, but there were a lot of things I didn't foresee (that I should have, as a teacher. Dang it). The compliments on my presentation were comforting though. Thank heavens for a supportive staff (that probably knew I was developing an ulcer just standing there in front of them).

The Common Assessment that I graded over the weekend really made me start to question my success as a teacher. We're talking epic failures. I kept seeing mistakes that I had warned students about like, "Don't just write one sentence! One sentence is not enough to give me all the evidence I need!" But I still got a good 30+ students who turned in one INCOMPLETE sentence.

It was all good feedback, and I need to be healthy about it. I probably should have told students to do the short answer questions first so that had enough time to dedicate to those questions. I probably should have rewritten the question on the television so that students had a better understanding of what the question was asking. I probably could have just been a better teacher.

It doesn't help that this particular test we used was pulled from a "State Test Preparation" cite which explained that the questions were modeled after what students would see on state tests. Nope. Doesn't help at all to think that my students are going to bomb those tests too.

How do I get through it all? How do I get through to them? I try to anticipate student responses (like the one sentence thing), but even when I do, it doesn't necessarily get through.

So today, I pulled up actual student responses to the question. I very somberly delivered the news about the test results and told them that they had ONE last chance to redeem themselves. I reread the question and showed them a strategy for answering short answer questions on tests (underlining/circling different parts of the question so they know that some questions are actually asking students to do multiple things!), and I showed them some not-so-great student examples and had them score them for me. This helped them understand what they did well, what they didn't do and what they needed to improve.

I hope.

Only that new stack of papers in my bin knows that answer.

Current inner mantra: I am not my students' failures. I can always do more, but I am not the reason for their failures.

(And yes, some students did remarkably well by using the phrases I taught them... So, I'll think about those students for a little while and get over this snowy, dreary, Monday hump.)

And Here We Go...

Today was the start of our evidences and inferences test.

I put everything up on Edmodo, wrote out my plans, and crossed my fingers that the server would be able to handle us all on Edmodo at the same time.

And then I printed out hard copies just in case.

This turned out to be a very good thing. In each of my classes about 50% of students could get onto Edmodo during class, and about 50% of those students could access the article.

By around 4th period, I stopped trying to have them log on altogether and simply passed out the hard copies. I did have them use their iPads to take notes. It was my goal to work in technology in some way at least every day. The iPads are too useful and expensive to pull out just once a week or "if there's extra time" which is what I hear some other teachers talking about.

(Funny story - an email has been circulating throughout the school about the behavior management issues teachers have been having with the iPads. Students on facebook, students browsing the internet, students making videos during class, etc. Some teachers are in an uproar, already wanting to throw the technology out. As I had students taking notes today, I realized that being off-task was always a behavioral issue. Before, students could be doodling in their notebook or writing a note to a friend and you thought they were taking notes. Just like now, with an iPad, students could be playing with the emoticon function, creating entire pages of smiley faces, rather than taking notes. Behavior management, no matter the tools being used in the classroom, is about MANAGEMENT. Keep a close proximity. Move around the classroom. Assess student awareness with cold calling and monitoring. To be honest, I haven't had too many problems. Students are more obvious than they ever think. When I see you sitting with your iPad on your lap and your cover to the side so that I can't see what's on your screen, I kind of know what to expect. Just sayin. But I'm not perfect. Are my students most likely on facebook? Yes. But I know the iPad well enough to know the secrets - if I see that four finger swipe across the screen as I approach, I know that I can swipe it right back to see what was there before.)

The rest of the day went more smoothly. In hindsight, our department probably should have written our own assessment (we decided to use the interactive quiz that came with the assignment because no one wanted to accept the responsibility of writing a test that the rest of the teachers wouldn't necessarily agree with. Now, we are using a quiz with poorly written questions. Oh well, the best I can do is prepare them today and give them some of the necessary background knowledge that they'll need to be successful tomorrow!).

Should I try to have them take the test on Edmodo? I'm not sure. I want to try, but back up plans are ALWAYS a great thing to have.

Moments of Clarity:
I had a few moments today where I was able to better realize just how far I've come, and I didn't want to forget them.

1. Remember when I complained that I had no idea what 7th and 8th graders know and don't know? Well, today, I realized that I'm getting better. We came to a phrase (as we were reading the article aloud as a class) with some vocabulary that I didn't think was difficult (and I probably would have skipped over without a second thought on the first week of school), but I paused nonetheless. "Does anyone know what the word 'douse' means?" One or two students raised their hands, but the rest looked at me with a blank stare. I pulled out my weapons of context and asked them, "What happens to a football coach at the end of a game when his team wins?" Instantly, they knew what "douse" meant. The same thing happened when we talked about the background to the story - the Atlantic City Exposition in 1912. I asked them why the people who attended didn't just wear short shorts and a tank-top if it had been so hot. Most of my class came up with ideas that "You have to dress up for an event like that" or "Maybe they were at work." I had to explain to them that skin was NOT exposed during that time period. Again, I'm just getting a better handle on places where I need to plan for giving students some foreknowledge or clarification, and - I'm happy to say - I'm getting better than where I was at the beginning of the year.

2. My management practices aren't perfect, but I'm getting better. Two students (who I distinctly remember talking to at the beginning of the year) were acting out in class today. Where, in that previous instance, I had once immediately pulled them outside and given them a firm lecture, I now chose a different route. I stopped talking altogether and watched the clock. For stealing my time, I asked them to stay after class. Rather than dousing them in a heapful of "Respect means..." kind of lectures, I simply looked at each of them in the eye, said, "Wow. We were a little out of control today. Is everything okay?" Of course, they're teenage boys who would rather die than answer an emotionally charged question, so they just shrugged. I forsook my lecture habits and said, "Boys, I know you like to be my class clowns. And, in some instances, I appreciate it. It brings a little more life and humor to the classroom, and we all know our class could use more of it. However, since this was our test preparation day, I really didn't appreciate you pulling the class clown card today. It meant that we lost the opportunity for valuable discussion that could have helped prep you for the test. Do me a favor? I want you to use your good sense next time. Test prep days are not the days to go for laughs. And I'll give you clues, too! If I'm saying things like, 'Please raise your hands,' or if I give you the stink eye after one of your comments, you know that this is not the best day for your comedy show. What do you think?" Both of them nodded their heads and agreed. And then, I let it go. Talked to them about their thoughts after reading the article. Praised them for being so smart and analytical. Sent them on their way with a grin. (Last time, I distinctly remember I had lost all control and the same students left rolling their eyes and talking back to me.) Again, not perfect, but making progress!

3. I spend a LOT of time reflecting. This can be great (I usually have huge epiphanic moments as I think back on an instructive decision I made or didn't make - like today where I used a million and one reading strategies while reading the article out loud to the class but didn't plan for any reflection or instruction time to explicitly teach students those strategies. Yeah. Gotta love those reflective moments on your failures! Helps me plan better for tomorrow!), but I know that I've also got an inbox full of assignments that I need to get to and quickly. So, as I end this post, I'm making a goal tomorrow, to not blog. Nope. Nada. I'll use the time for grading and see what I can get done. Then, of course, I'll reflect. :D I know this blog has helped me stay sane these past few months, but I want to stay on safe ground where I don't always document my shortcomings to remember forever.... We'll see how it goes!

Tomorrow's the test and onto a weekend of grading! Woot! Woot.

And there are 9 more days of school until Christmas Break. But who's counting?

Surprise, Surprise!

Remember how today was my fake deadline for the genre project? I was SOOOO strategic - I do fake deadlines so that I can get a better feel for what my students did understand and didn't understand in my instruction, and then use that assessment to inform my instruction and choices about where students are weak or where they need more clarification. After that, they get a "LAST CHANCE REVISON." So, to introduce my plan, I got in front of my students and played the compassion card:

"Guys, I know you've worked really hard on this project, but I've observed that some of you need a little more time to work out the kinks to your writing. Tell you what - I'll give you some choices. I can say that today is the final deadline, you'll email me your work and that will be it. Your grade will show up in the gradebook within the week. And kaput. You're done. OR, option number 2, I can still have you email me what you have, I'll review it, email you back with some feedback, and we can make our Final deadline next Wednesday. The only thing is, if you choose option 2, you are committing to use the feedback I've given you. If I'm going to give you extra time to work and if I'm going to take the time to give you individual feedback, I expect YOU to take the time to make the necessary changes. What do you think?"

It was great - except when my strategic plan backfired.

Almost every class went with option 2 - hands down. But my 4th period class gave me reason to pause. 13 of the students said they wanted to get it over with. Turn it in today. Never think about it again. 13 of the students said they wanted the extra time. It was a tie. As I was trying to convince my first 13 students that they wouldn't lose anything by getting some extra feedback from me, one student voiced, "Seriously? If they [referring to the students who voted for option 2] aren't ready, then it's their fault! They should have had it done."

I seriously froze up at that moment. That was supposed to come out of MY mouth. And I SO did not plan for this (but it's what I deserved given the fact that I gave them the choice!).

We went with option 2 (mostly because I know that some students need the extra time and that the feedback will, hopefully, be useful to all of the students to improve their writing), but I realized just how tired my students are of this project. Even though it's only been 4 weeks, I can understand. I just hope their stamina when we start our novels in class is going to be enough!

I had them email me their work - stupid idea? No. The stupid (more unplanned) idea was to not know how to turn off my iPad "ding" everytime it receives a message. I overloaded my inbox (though I quickly organized it according to period) and students went crazy to hear my iPad ding for the next two minutes. I actually think emails will be a good way to give feedback. Students linked up an email address with their iPad the other day, so I can send my feedback right back to them to receive on their iPad. (Goodbye, Red Pen. I won't miss you that much, sorry.)

We'll see how it goes.

We are starting our common assessment on inferences and citing evidence tomorrow and ending it on Friday (even though I JUST received an email from the principal saying that all 7th graders will be pulled from their 3rd period class on Friday for an assembly). So much for those plans. So, when in my well-planned out weeks, am I going to have them make-up that test?

Bah. Hum. Bug.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE planning. Without it, I would be a mad woman. But sometimes - just sometimes, I feel like it would be easier to plan day by day because then I wouldn't be scrambling to salvage my plans when things like this come up.

But teaching is all about flexibility. So, I'm going to go do some stretching and come up with a new plan. TA-DA!

A Day of Deadlines...

Don't roll your eyes. Today was another day where I was learning the balance.

I love drafting days for several reasons: first, I get to see student creativity - so fun; second, I get to see students put into practice what we have learned in class; last, I get to meander around the room, give feedback, and leave the learning to them at that point. Don't you love assessment time?

But it's also the time to become the MOST frustrated. To the student who - after 3 days of drafting - has still not picked a topic, I don't know what more to do. It's due tomorrow, kids! I mean, c'mon!

Then I start to feel guilty. I knew that student was behind, but I assumed after I talked with him about topics on the first day he actually picked one.

Not so.

So was that my fault? After I knelt at said student's desk for 5 minutes asking probing questions to help him choose a topic that would be personal to him, I decided that the student was not behind because of me. If I did any more for that student, I would actually be typing his project for him. But still - how do you not become frustrated at that point? How do you not become frustrated when the handfull of students you talked to the day before, saying, "You HAVE to work on this at home today or you will not be able to finish in time," come into class with nothing done. Still.

I'm realizing that, more often than not, students fail because they don't work and they don't try. Maybe they're scared. Maybe they're confused. Maybe they don't give a darn about their future at that moment because they're going to be an NBA star and NBA stars don't need to know how to write in complete sentences.

And I put my realization to the test. I made a list of students who need to work on our current i-Can statement because my last assignment to assess their progress showed me that they still weren't getting the concept of making inferences and using supportive evidence. Do you know how many of those students were failing my class? None. Most of them had C's, but the students who were failing had shown me that they understood the concepts. They just aren't doing work and have zeros across the board.

Gah.

But I'm getting better about avoiding the Death Eater lectures - no more booming voice and fierce eyes threatening students into submission. Nope. (I'd like to say I have never had those moments, but I have). Now, I'm just honest: "If you are not finished with your draft by the end of the day today, you are going to be in a lot of trouble with tomorrow's deadline," or "I hope you're planning on working on that at home tonight. You're going to need that extra time." Leave it at that. If they don't care, there's not a lot I can do to make them care (which goes to show you that leaving students in charge of picking their topic is not a surefire way to ensure student engagement. Just sayin).

Are the majority of my students ready for the deadline tomorrow. Oh yes. But as a teacher, I sorrow for the 3-4 individuals in every class that have a paragraph written and are probably going home to play video games all night. You few students - how can I reach you? You even decided to write about video games - something you know all too much about - and that's still not enough to get you to do the work.

I think I remember having this moment last term - the moment when I realized that 30+ students are failing my class simply because they're not turning in their work or using class time wisely.

Hmm...

I should just realize that the moments before a big deadline are going to be disappointing - but the time I spend assessing student progress will be much more rewarding. I cannot wait to read my little 7th grader's blog post about "How to Respect Teachers," or "How to make good friends," or the news article about "Taylor Lautner's Popularity" or the podcast about the "History of Batman." I'm so stoked.

Consider this deadline lesson learned.

The Return...

The return from my weekend of doing absolutely nothing work-related was wonderful. I walked through the doors of the school with a skip in my step (not to mention the huge grin on my face when I realized that my period baskets were still empty and my grades were all up to date!).

What did I do?
- went to a concert at Velour.
- watched a movie in my pajamas.
- made deliciously scrumptious pumpkin dump cake and banana bread.
- hung out with my adorable little sister.
- made some new friends and played games all night long.
- took long, hot showers.
- straightened my hair (which I haven't done since teacher training before school started. Wow).

All of the above reminded me that I am human. And I need time for myself.

So, I went to our staff meeting this morning with a revitalized spirit and did what? Got myself nominated to give a presentation to the faculty next week about Edmodo. Sweet. I guess that's what happens when you teach 10+ teacher about the website . . . they willingly volunteer your name for the job. I'm excited though - I really believe in the website and with these new iPads, it is a huge asset to the school if we all get onboard.

All of these new technological discussions at the school are helping me make two new discoveries:

- First, technology is a tool. Not a crutch. I can't just throw technology into a lesson and hope that it accomplishes my objectives. Plus, there are so many hiccups, I've got to have a back-up plan anyway. It has to have some thought put into it.

- Second, sometimes it's necessary to use class time to gear students up for the technology you want to use. One teacher who is exploring iTunes U in creating courses for his classes (so cool, by the way!) said he dedicated three days to helping students set up accounts and teach them how to use iTunes U. Wow. Three Days. It's hard to swallow, but even using 10 minutes of our shortened Monday periods to help students sync their email accounts to their iPads will (hopefully) pay off in the end when students are actually able to send their work home (that's what we did today).

Oh, and I just got an email saying that all 7th graders will be having hearing tests done tomorrow during their English classes... So there go my plans for an extra drafting day. Good thing that Wednesday Final Deadline for student Genre Projects is secretly a rough draft deadline. Shh. Don't tell them! We'll see what gets turned in.

Don't you just love flexibility? I know I do!

What a Wonderful Day...

What an incredible day - I cannot even begin to tell you how impressed I am with my students and their work. I purposefully created a lot of pre-cursor assignments to this big project (assignments that would invite them to plan for their writing) and I had students walking out of the classroom saying things like, "Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be." I stopped the entire class at that moment and pointed out that it wasn't because the assignment was easy. It was because they were prepared for the work.

But today - I'm off. All grading is up to date. Plans for Monday have been made. The 26 Ipads are locked up and charging (well, 19 of them that is. If we blow a fuse in that room, it's not our fault, though I did hear that I would be getting a charging cart soon. I told my wonderful neighbor that I'm not opposed to sharing - one night it's mine to use, the next his).

But I'm off. I made a promise to a very wonderful supervisor who knows just what to say when I need something said. I'm taking the weekend off. I'm not even going to think about Monday until - well - Monday. 

And a wonderful date night is in my near future... Waahoo!

On my toes...

You can't fall behind in this job. Ever. And when I say falling behind, I mean if you're not thinking one month ahead at all times (and further than that, actually), then you're falling behind.

If I have one night where I plan on grading but get overwhelmed by the fact that it's my responsibility to charge 26 iPads overnight (but I can't take them from the school, and I can't charge them outside of my little office which can be locked, and I only have one power strip), the fact that our apartment is a disaster area, the fact I haven't had an actual conversation with my husband since Sunday, or my church responsibilities, I'm in trouble. Yes folks, I did not get all my grading done.

But I had told my students the night before that I would have it all graded. I promised. (My crazy rationale for this decision? I thought it would keep me accountable. Force me to grade. I had promised. If I didn't make good on my word, I would lose credibility with my students.)

I'm sad to say that my decision in light of my failure was to lie. In a mad rush, I stapled student assignments together and handed back the graded and ungraded work. To each period I claimed, "Your period was the only class I didn't get to give grades to on the assignment from yesterday."

Yes, I lied. Again. I do it a lot. Like the "FINAL" deadline I keep harping about to my students which is next week. Is that the FINAL deadline? No. But I know I'm not going to get legitimate work from them unless I tell them it's the final and then give them a "last chance revision" opportunity (Which is really the final drafting stage).

Oddly enough, it worked in my favor. It meant students didn't take the assignment with them (I wanted to keep it because they need it for their final project and I know if I give it back to my 7th and 8th graders, I will never see it again. It will be lost forever). I warned them that if they did, they wouldn't get their scores for that assignment. Motivation to do what I asked them to? Seemed to work.

And then - came 6th period - OH. MY. GOSH.

No one trains you about what to do when a student goes completely berserk in your classroom. How on earth do you even teach when you've got a student dropping f-bombs when you hand back an assignment and they're not happy, when you've got a student banging on your classroom door when you asked them to wait outside for a private conversation with you, when you've got a student refusing to listen, inviting you into a power struggle which you know will not end well and you avoid at all costs, all the while looking into the eyes of the rest of your class knowing that today is not a great day for your lesson. Forget the lesson.

I should have asked what was school protocol for taking a student to the principal the first week I was here, but I didn't. Good thing I have some kind of teacher instinct when this particular student looked up at me (literally. He was sitting on the ground with his legs against the door so I couldn't close it) and said, to my threat that I would have him go into another teacher's classroom until he could make better choices, "I don't care. I'm just going to do the same thing there." I walked into my classroom, jumped my students right to their independent learning activity (though I hadn't really done any instruction up to that point), put one student in charge of letting me know if anyone misbehaved while I was away, popped into another teacher's room to ask them to keep an eye on my classroom, and escorted the student to the main office. I didn't know about the physical forms to fill out, but I did immediately enter a log note in the school reporting system detailing all of the situation.

Wow.

It was draining....

Even now... I'm a ball of nerves. Good thing I have a great relationship with said student's mom, though. I got an email from her, while I was drafting one to her, and there was no "How dare you..." or "Why didn't you do ..." or "I'm pulling my student from your class..." It was all apologetic and informative.

Did I do it right? Please, someone, I need to know I didn't screw things up big time. I'm fearful that I've now opened the door to a dangerous formula - he knows he gets out of class and gets to go "help" in the office if he misbehaves for me, so will he keep doing it?

All of my nightmarish summer experiences with daycare are flooding back into my mind, and I'm so worried that it will become like that - where it's my responsibility to keep him under control and the people in charge can't be bothered with little kid issues when I desperately need it. If my job is to teach, how can I do my job when one student is doing all he can to ensure I am unsuccessful in doing said joob? One other teacher told me to just let him go: "It's not our job to lock students in our classroom. If they're making it difficult for other students to learn, open the door for them and get them out. My door's not locked from the inside. That's what administration is for."

So here's some tips I have to remember which is why I'm putting them here:
- Pair up with another teacher who knows that if this particular student comes in, it's simply to calm down and get under control. Make an unspoken agreement so that nothing needs to be said when it happens.
- Don't talk about the behavior with the student the next day. Every day is a fresh slate. Don't hold their past behavior against them and don't remind them.
- Rather than send a student to the principal, send them to counseling (especially if the behavior is repetitive). Then, the student can't get away with just sitting in the office. They will have to meet with someone who will ask them questions - questions they probably don't want to have to answer, so that will be less of a "reward."
- Make some goals with the student. For every day without any incidents, put an m&m or something in a jar. When the jar's full they get a prize. Every time they act up, you have to take an m&m out of the jar. It sounds extremely childish (especially since it came from my limited experience with daycare students, but what the hey. If he's going to act like a 4-year-old, then 4-year-old behavior tactics should work, right?).

I'm going home. Now. Forget prepping for tomorrow (for now). I think I'll start our drafting one day earlier than planned. Student work time. Hallelujah. We'll see what happens tomorrow...

For now. I have two words left:

Ice. Cream.

The Hardest Part (at the moment)

The Hardest Part of teaching for me (at this very moment - because, let's be honest, it changes daily) is the deciphering. Exhibit A:

Student raises hand. "Mrs. Brown, I don't get it."

My deciphering dilemma: Does this student really not get it? I went over it step by step yesterday, I modeled it for them and showed them an example, and I even had students do some other examples with me. Does he really not get it, or is he just playing dumb to waste time and create an excuse for his refusal to do any more work? 

That part is really hard.

Usually, experience with the student is key.

Is this student playing the "I don't get it" card on a repeated basis? If yes - he's faking (but keep an open mind because he/she might really have a learning problem). If no - give him some extra attention and try explaining it in a different way. Try personal contextualization. Something more familiar.

Can the student specifically identify what they do and don't get? If yes - that's a good sign. Cater to that need. If no - pressure them to be more specific. If they say "Any of it" in response to your "What don't you understand?" question, it's a sure fire sign they weren't listening in the first place or that they weren't actively listening.

Can the student remember you explaining the instructions? If yes - awesome. It means they were at least aware of what was going on in class, which is a big deal for some students, and it makes me very proud of them. Usually if I see this situation, I realize that I need to break down my instructions a little bit more into individual steps and give them one at a time. I notice that some students get overwhelmed by a list of instructions given at once, and, as a result, they shut down. However, I feel pressure to give the instructions at once because a vast majority of my students do listen and move through each step much more quickly than those who want it more broken down. So, I'm trying to find a balance here.

If no - figure out what was going on and address that behavior. Don't jump to conclusions though. I totally called a student out on his lack of understanding before I realized that he was absent yesterday (seriously, teachers have to have a super-memory or something!) I apologized and provided some more instruction.

As I have discovered, there are some steps to avoiding this "I don't get any of it" scenario. Here's what I've tried:

- Develop some signals. I like the thumbs up/thumbs down kind of thing because it can be adapted to give all kinds of feedback. I'll ask for thumbs up/thumbs down after I give directions to see the students to whom I may need to provided one-on-one clarification.
- Have them repeat directions back to you. This takes some extra time from your class, but it also provides opportunities for peers to provide help to those who may have missed your instruction (don't say or do anything your students can say or do, right?)
- Develop a procedure where students have to turn to a friend or neighbor first before asking you. Again, this provides peer-to-peer instruction which can be more valuable for both involved (or it could be problematic if the person they chose has no idea either), which allows for students to get a more student-centered point of view of your instructions.
- Put explicit directions on the worksheet and on the screen in addition to your verbal instructions. Students can read them, view them on the screen and hear them at the same time. (I'm probably weakest here, to be honest. I don't like putting explicit instructions on my worksheets, because I find that I don't yet have a great feel for how to make written directions concise and simple. Also, I noticed that students don't read it anyway, so I thought it was a motivation for students to listen to my instructions before charging off to complete the assignment. However, I see the pros and cons to this, and I'm willing to keep trying. Plus, the explicit written instructions make giving work out to students who were absent much more effective.)
- As always, contexualize. Provide examples. Model.

And if all fails, which it does on occasion, pause. Take a deep breath. Then try again.

And if you suspect students of taking advantage of the "I don't get it" excuse . . . well, I'm not sure what to do there. More often than not it comes from my "I hate school so much, it's actually sucking the life out of me" boys. I start by giving them my vote of confidence: "Dude, you've got this. We've done this before!" which usually elicits a response along the lines of "I'm stupid" or "I'm dumb" or "Whatever, I don't care." Which you have to deal with carefully but strictly - I'm still SO NOT a pro at this part yet. It hurts to see them snub their noses at their own potential and at your faith in them, but with a select few, I know it's because they really don't want to work and if they pull the "I don't get it" excuse then they can blame it on you.

[footnote: If this felt like an instructive informational post, please know it was for me! Sometimes when I get a substantial amount of students pulling the "I don't get it," I take a giant step back and start doubting my own instructional abilities. Was I not clear? Did I not make it comprehendible? Did I go to fast? So this is a reminder for me that I know what to do and can simply continue to do more of it.]

As for tonight - grading, grading, grading.

Project Model

I love modeling - the strategy itself is how I learn. I usually have to see someone else do it first so that I get an idea of what is expected. Thus, it's a strategy I use in practically every lesson. I've found that, with 7th graders especially, if I don't model something, I end up answering silly questions like, "How long does it have to be?" or "What are we doing again?" or "So we're writing what?" (Granted, even with modeling, I still get some of those questions).

However, today was an ALL-MODEL Day. I've learned that I can't always work through the gradual release of responsibility model in one class period - who am I kidding, that never happens! But usually I can have one class period of me modeling a skill or an assignment, have the students join me in practice and then have them complete the assignment on their own the next day with a small review.

And things went fine - other than technology cutting out on me every five minutes, though the students LOVED taking notes in their iPads. I just felt like most of them didn't understand WHY I was walking them through those steps. I repeated several times that if they paid attention today, tomorrow's assignment was going to be a piece of cake, but I had a lot of students zone out.

It may have been the presence of the iPads.

It may have been the quality of the example topic they chose at random from the trash bin.

It may have been me.

But part of me wonders if students see modeling as a kind of lecturing. I try to include student participation as I modeled this assignment step by step, but I didn't feel as though I'd reached that epiphanic moment with my students. Granted, that moment happens more often during the last stage of the game when students are doing the assignment on their own, but still.

Oh well.

It wasn't bad. It just wasn't great. I'm working on it.

On a more fun note, my 4th period class was pretty good today (which is actually pretty great). I found myself relaxing around them and was pretty honest about my frustration with them as an audience (we were talking about reading your audience and catering to your audience today in anticipation for their writing project). I told them that they were my most difficult period to cater to in regards to fun and engaging topics. I thought they would like a magazine article about celebrities, but I learned all teenage boys have an undeniable hatred of anything that even remotely relates to Justin Beiber or One Direction. I thought they would like an article about Football concussions, but they snubbed their noses at it and said they preferred basketball. I thought they would like to analyze lyrics from a song by Bruno Mars and they all rolled their eyes. "Obviously," I confessed to them, "I'm out of touch with what you guys like and care about. And, as you can see, when I get it wrong, you don't respond as well to what I have prepared. So you guys have to clue me in on what it is you want to see more of in this class."

What did they tell me?

Food. And sports.

But the atmosphere was different. I wasn't frustrated, I was just being honest, and they were being honest back.

One student must have put the topic idea of "Kit Kat Bars" in my trash bin, because I pulled it out during my modeling time for 4th period. We were brainstorming all of the things we knew about the topic, looking over the list and brainstorming the kinds of people we thought would care about that topic (audience), and then making a list of plans for writing that would speak to the interests and concerns of those specific kinds of people.

As we listed things we knew, the class all agreed that Kit Kat has the most annoying jingle on their commercials. In response, I said, "Oh, you guys don't like the song they sing?"

"Song?" one student replied. "No one sings. It's just a bunch of sounds that go like: da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-, da-da-da-da-da-da-da    DA   DA   DA."

"I know that, but it's a rhythm that actually has words to it." Stupidly, I continued. "It goes, 'Give me a break, Give me a break, Break me off a piece of that.... " I paused waiting for them to finish, but their faces were completely blank. "KIT-KAT-BAR.' You guys really don't know that song?"

"NO." They all replied in resounding unison.

Did I have one student mockingly shoot himself in the head out of torture as I sang the jingle? Yup.

Did I have one student laugh at me and say, "Mrs. Brown, you can't keep living in the 'old' times."

But it was great. Most of them came to the conclusion that they do the jingle song for kids - which was an audience choice - and the song was a decision to play to that audience.

I don't know particularly why this week, but I just feel like nothing can phase me. Are things perfect? No. Do I notice what's going wrong? Oh yeah. But I make plans for adapting and I move on. I don't know how long this feeling is going to last, but oh it is wonderful!

Not half bad...

The secret to Mondays -- it's all about how you start your day.

This was the start of my Monday: I spoke up in our staff meeting today (Yikes! Hardly ever happens, which is a big deal for anyone who knows me because I'm a fearless talker, hardly ever intimidated by the crowd of listeners...). We were talking about some teacher frustration with iTime and students' failure to show up for intervention even when their planners are stamped. I raised my hand and volunteered a procedure that I had invented because I, too, had been frustrated that students weren't showing up after I took the time to stamp their planners.

"Well," I began, "in my PAWS class I actually don't hand out student grade slips unless their planner is out on their desk and I can see they have no stamp. If I do see a stamp, I still give them their grade slip, but I make sure to stress with them that they have to go to that teacher. Then, if I'm suspicious of the student, I'll follow-up with the teacher to see if they made it to intervention."

What happened? The principal turned to the rest of the staff and said, "That's a great procedure."

Another teacher spoke up saying, "Can we just make that a school-wide procedure now?"

The principal replied, "Yes. Let's do that."

I, the lowly intern, triggered a school wide procedural change.

I feel powerful.

For the rest of the day, even when things got stressful, I felt frustration roll off of my shoulders. Were 7 students from my 4th period still unprepared for Reader's Response? Even after my all-too-moving lecture about what they want out of life the week before? Yes.

But today, I didn't let it get to me. I let the room get eerily quiet. I went to my desk, and stated simply that those students had zeros and would need to take care of it during iTime on Tuesdays. Then I called three more students. Two of them were unprepared and I did the same thing. The one got up and I rewarded that student with 10 points extra credit for being prepared. No lecture. No red-faced Mrs. Brown. I let it roll and moved forward.

Will this change things? I don't know if students will be any more motivated to come ready, but now I'm not pulling my hair out and walking out of the school on Monday feeling like a failure. It just rolls off of me.

And I'm telling you - humor is so important. With my seventh graders, as we were reviewing complete and incomplete sentences again (I wouldn't review it if it wasn't a problem with every assignment!), I wiped away fake tears and included some dramatically fake sobs when students couldn't remember that a complete sentences needs a subject and a predicate or when they still didn't understand what a subject was. They laughed, but also knew that I expected more of them.

All in all - a wonderful day.

Tomorrow is the first day they get to take their iPads to each of their classes (which probably means that I won't get a lunch break, but what they hey! We all got iPads, so I might as well roll with it!). I'm crossing fingers that things will actually work... A girl can dream, right?

It Doesn't Have to be Perfect...

I knew today had to be an "easy" day, but the part of me that has to write learning objectives on every lesson plan that are tied to the common core which is designed to prepare kids for high school and college and real life . . . didn't want to. I have to teach them something! I can't let a day go by as a "wasted" day just because everyone and their dog decided to leave a day early for Thanksgiving Break.

(What would I do if I could leave a day early? Wear my pajamas and go see this movie 3 times. Just sayin. Totally productive, I know.)

So, I had them write Gratitude Letters. I read The Giving Tree, and we talked about how we can prove to someone that we are truly grateful for them. We talked about how saying "Thank You" is great, but often not enough. We have to show them.

And of course we've been talking about citing specific evidence over the past few days, so - moral of the story - I did get my learning objective in there somewhere. I told my students that a letter to their mom saying, "Thanks for all you do," means little in comparison to the letter with specific evidence: "Mom, thank you for always making me dinner and taking me to school and doing my laundry and going to work everyday. I appreciate all you do." Specific evidence proves that we do notice and we want to show it.

And then they wrote letters. Some were so sweet and beautiful. One of my extremely troubled students came to me after ten minutes and asked for another sheet of paper so he could write multiple letters.

I know I have a curriculum to teach, but - goodness - I love it when we get to talk about those real life lessons like saying "Thank You."

Thoughts for the long weekend:

- My Principal approached me this morning and let me know that he wants me to be a part of the APP committee for our school, to find and suggest apps to sync to all student iPads. I'm a little intimidated, but I love feeling like I can contribute to this school. I already feel like the school has done so much for me (I'm starting to realize that administrations have to be extremely brave to hire interns who have no idea what they are doing! But I'm sooooo lucky!)

- It's my first Thanksgiving without my Jex family. I'm a little heartbroken to hear about all the movies and family traditions I will miss out on, and I'm still terrified to try my hand at anything unfamiliar in the kitchen without my mama, but I'm so grateful that they have each taught me so much:

• Mom - As a seminary teacher for five years (nearly six), she was the greatest example for me as a teacher. I saw the way she cared for each of her students, I saw the heart and soul she put into each lesson, and I saw her love for her Heavenly Father. She was the model I have tried to emulate over these past few months, and I couldn't have stayed sane without her ever patient ears to all of my venting...
• Dad - I can't tell you how many times a lesson has spiraled down the tube of despair and left me wishing I could just give up. Turn in my keys, lock up, and go home. But, my father has never allowed me to live with any less than my best. He has had many of his own plans spiral down similar tubes, but has never let it phase him, let it get under his skin, or let it push him to quit. He is the voice in my head when I want to burst a blood vessel in front of my students saying, "Calm down. Take it easy. One step at a time. You can do this."
• Matt - An older brother can never let you take yourself too seriously. If I ever think of calling to vent to him, I usually get a "Suck it up," or a confirmation that I really am a "Horrible Teacher." But for some reason, when he does it, I can't help but laugh and realize that I'm way too wrapped up in myself. His persistent guilt trips make me laugh and make me realize that there are many more important things out there. Plus, he's my one peek into the mind of my 8th grade boys. Heaven knows I don't know a thing about the sports article I'm planning on using the next day, but Matt knows if its going to go over with them or just crash and burn. Food and sports, right Matt? Food and sports are key.
• Emily - Having a younger sister here in the same city has been a huge blessing. As I watch her take to college with a kind of grace and maturity (as mature as a college Freshman can be, of course!) that I never had myself, I am often reminded of what I can do better in this new experience of teaching. She reminds me to be grateful for the things that are going well, and to put in the work when things get tough. 

- I WILL NOT GRADE A SINGLE PAPER OVER THANKSGIVING. (Good thing I got it all done this weekend!)

- I wish I could adequately convey to my past teachers how much their examples, their hard work, and their dedication to a less-than-appreciated profession means to me now. Their faces seem ever more prominent in my mind as each day passes - Mrs. Sertich from 7th grade who taught me how to be a better friend and to have the courage to do the right thing; Mr. E from 7th grade who told me (long after tryouts) that I "sucked" during those first few days, but that he saw in me a drive for constant improvement; Mr. Ahern from 11th grade who showed me I could be funny when another teacher had killed the "funny" in me years before; Mrs. Schrier who took the first paper I gave her (upon which I had received enormous accolades from my previous English teacher) and bloodied it with red pen - she pushed me harder than I had ever been pushed before to refine my writing and my reading skills. All of them - if I could only show them what they did for me. I suppose following their example and doing the same for my students is a start...

- I love being a teacher - even on the hard days. It makes it all so worthwhile. My teaching doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be teachable. I'm a teachable teacher... and I'm so grateful for all those who have been willing to teach, correct, and mentor me.

Have the happiest of Thanksgivings....

Living off of Validation

I'm a validation junkie. Seriously. So, I think I will record some recent validations I have received recently (in case they are the last I'll ever hear! Just playing it safe, plus I need a reminder (on my down days) that I am actually doing good things!)

#1: My department chair approached me last week (actually, I approached him, but we'll make it sound like this validation was completely unprompted by me!). I had emailed him about one of the teachers from the local high school (who is also the mom of one of my students) who contacted me with interest in collaborating to better understand what we can teach our 8th graders to prepare them for 9th grade. He explained he hadn't checked his email yet, but asked me to take point on setting time for this collaboration to take place. I told him I would talk to the high school teacher to get more specific about a date and time. He put his hand on my arm and said the following, "Cali, I just wanted to let you know what a great job you're doing. I haven't seen an intern this involved and this proactive, well, ever. Thanks for always being willing to take notes and keep us on track. Do you know where you want to work next year?"

"No," I answered. "But I've heard I really won't know about available positions until April, at least."

"Well, if you need it, I could write you a letter of recommendation. Whoever gets you is lucky to have you. You're doing a great job."

Yes. Success.

#2: The Director of the Special Ed department came to see me the other day. She stopped by to follow-up about a new student that just entered my class who is autistic. She wanted to let me know that the student had reported back to her, "I loved Mrs. Brown's class," which was a big deal, according to her, because this student typically hates school - especially English because of all the writing. She said, "I know I haven't ever been to your class, but from what your students say about you, I already know you are a great teacher. I hope you'll be here for a long time."

Yes. Success.

#3: (Happened today) The high school teacher / mom of one of my students (referenced in validation example #1) was at our school today. I've never met the woman specifically, but she looked extremely familiar for some reason. I approached her (while she was talking with our Assistant Principal), and asked trepidly, "Cassie?" Her face lit up with a grin and she replied, "Cali?" (We've been communicating regularly about her son's behavior in class and working together to get him to make improvements in my class). We shook hands and, in front of the Asst. Principal, she put her hand on my shoulder and said, "This woman is incredible. Hold onto her." We proceeded to have a discussion about her son, and she left with a "Thank you so much for everything."

Can I tell you - receiving validation reminds me how much my students need it as well. So tomorrow, when my students are writing their Thankful Letters, I'll be writing some of my own - to those students who have worked against odds, who have reminded me what this teaching thing is all about. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about it!

Happy Love! Happy Validation! Happy Thanksgiving!

May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor....

Today - well today wasn't a big deal. Students were writing instructions to their genres, and I learned that sometimes you have to give instructions in 5 different ways before some 7th graders actually listen (but it's always fun to hear them come to that realization themselves: "Mrs. Brown, we don't know what we're supposed to be doing. I didn't know because... well, because I wasn't listening, and neither was the rest of the group. I asked them. What are we doing again?")

Key to giving explicit instructions (as I have learned so far): speak slowly and quietly--they listen better that way--and give them some contextual examples. When I was trying to tell them that they need to write more than the simple direction to "pick a title," I put it in perspective. I said, "You can't just tell someone baking a cake to "put it in the oven." You've got to be more specific. At what temperature? For how long? Where should it be in the oven? The top rack? Bottom rack? Should you cover it? Should you check on it after a certain amount of time? After this, they understood that they couldn't just give me the basics.

But today - today was the long awaited for day. At the beginning of the year, I established a reward system in my classroom to reward good behavior in class. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just establishing punitive procedures to scare students into good behavior, but I was also motivating student to want behave well. I call them "Brownie Points." Heehee. I told my students that I would pick out winners at the end of term, encouraging them to get their name in the bowl as much as possible if they wanted the "odds to be in their favor."

To be honest, I really didn't think it all the way through. I brought a cute glass bowl in from home and students would place a small slip of paper in the bowl with their name and period on it if they got a Brownie Point. So, at the end of Term 1, I had a bowl full of names from each of my periods.

The questions was, how was I going to actually do the picking? I wanted to do it in class, but there was no guarantee that I would draw out a student name from that period. GAH. My own fault for stupidity in planning, I suppose.

So, I copped out. I recorded a video of myself picking names out of the bowl and played it in each period. My poor first period students (who really are some of my best behaved students) didn't have a single student chosen from that period. I want to make it up to them because it was super lame to watch the video with them.... Again, my fault for stupidity in planning.

The rest of the periods had a hoot. Many of them, after hearing someone else's name, said, "Hey, I know that chick! I'm gonna tell her she won!" Others, rather than cheering for people they might know, chose a more negative road, but it was a good opportunity to point out that "You could win ALL the prizes if you get your name in there that many times!" (I did have 3 different students who won multiple prizes because I pulled out multiple Brownie Points with their name on it.)

Oh well, next time, I may have them color code their brownie points so I know to look for specific colors.

What were the prizes? Candy. Food. Cute things from the dollar store. Pencils and pens. Did multiple 8th graders call my prizes lame until I pulled out the package of Cosmic Brownies? Yeah - that got them quiet and hopeful.

In my preparation for this celebration, I realized how little I know about the protocol of getting prizes for your students. I had the temptation to go to some popular fast food restaurants or businesses to see if they would donate a few free coupons to me to motivate my students at school, but I wasn't sure if that was kosher or not in the teaching business...

Any ideas about how to raise money for class prizes or get donations? Maybe when I'm not on an intern's salary any more, it won't be such a big deal, but even dollar prizes can add up pretty quickly if I'm going to do this 4 times in a year! And I'd love to have book prizes - I guess I'd better watch scholastic.com for sales!

As I celebrated student success with my class, I saw something change in them a little. Students who have never thanked me at all for anything, called out shouts of gratitude as they left my room. Students (who didn't even win) told me to "Have a nice weekend..." I realized that when I show them real rewards for their work and for their good choices, they realize that I notice and that I want them to know that.

With these Brownie Points, it looks like the odds are actually in MY favor...

Don't tell the students, though!

As for the weekend - mounds and mounds of grading. My goal? Get it all done this weekend so Thanksgiving will be, thankfully, grading-free!

Wish me luck!

Career Fair!

A few days ago, we received an email from our counseling office letting us know that today was the career fair. I found it odd we were notified so late, but (thankfully) it worked out just fine. Actually, I was worried about the lesson I had planned before being enough for the whole period of instruction, so this was a welcome surprise!

I had the chance to work with the police officer at our school for most of the morning. The drama in the room was palpable. Top three questions of each session:

"Have you ever been shot?"

"Do you have to get pepper-sprayed and tasered to become a policeman?"

"Have you ever shot someone?"

It was great. But, hands down, the best part was when the officer got real with the students. As he was describing the process of becoming a police officer, he said the following: "When you apply to be a police officer, you have to take several tests - a physical exam to make sure you are fit for duty, and a couple other tests to see how good you can write. You have to be able to write in complete sentences, to use punctuation, and to write quotations all for the reports that you have to fill out as an officer. That's most of my job anyway - filling out reports and checking reports to make sure that they are written correctly. If you can't write good, you can't be a police officer."

(Was I tempted to tell him it was actually "write well?" No. Not at all. :D)

Yes, folks. You have to know English in order to be a police officer.

As this officer was detailing these requirements, I saw one of my English students in the audience. One of my little sassy 8th graders who has, on multiple occasions, voiced his frustration with my class and how none of it matters. He looked over to me just as the officer mentioned writing quotations, saw me flash a "See-I told you so" grin, and covered his face with his hand, hiding the smile underneath.

It was so great. I had him talk to the class about it later - how he heard that he has to be able to use English for a cool real-life job.

It was like everything came together - the stars aligned and English was a valuable part of their lives, just for a moment!

Success never felt so good!

And of course it all fit into my lesson so well - students were learning how to write instructions today, so I had them reflect on one of the careers they learned about and write a list of instructions directing me about the steps I had to take to get into that career.

Whoever came up with the career fair is an absolute genius. Never again will I ever even remotely think about complaining about missed class time. Nope. Not a peep from me.

Thank you real life for motivating my students to care - even for just a moment.


OH - and I have to just say.... I was in the teacher's lounge today for lunch and some of the other teachers came up to me to tell me they heard from some of their students that "Mrs. Brown is really mean." Just as I was about to crumble up in a heap of sorrow, their reactions to this statement caught me off guard. They stated their congratulations and offered accolades for achieving the status of "Mean teacher" this early in the year: "It's a good thing!" they reminded me. "It means you make them work hard and they know it."

Well, that is true.

Still, it makes me wonder who those students are.... ;)

Go With the Flow

Today, I came into my room to set up the television and iPad for our classroom activities today.

Guess what?

None of it was working.

My TV simply read, "Cannot connect to the internet," which was the worst message I could have ever received for this lesson.

(I mean, this whole unit was designed with the idea that they would each have their very own iPad by this point, so I've been doing a lot of the research work for them. Since the D-Day for this whole iPads Across the School thing has been postponed repeatedly, I've really had to be flexible with it all. But when I don't have any technology working for me, I almost flipped a lid.)

I pulled out the ole projector and hooked up my old laptop (which I selfishly kept for a time like this), and guess what?

That didn't work either.

My first period class was a mess.

I wanted to cry. Throw my hands up. Stomp out of the room and demand some help in here.

But my job isn't to show kids what not to do. It's to show them to be flexible and learn from their experiences.

So, second period came in and I started with a short monologue: "Class, I'm going to ask for you to be patient with me today. I'm trying to use lots of different kinds of technology, and I obviously seem to repel this stuff, so please - focus with me today. I'm going to need to to go with me even if things don't work out perfectly, okay? So if you can't see or if you don't understand where we are, please take action. Move to where you can see (quietly, of course), quietly ask a neighbor for help, do what you need to in order to make this work, cause that's what I'll be doing, okay?"

Things weren't much better technology wise, but when I had students complaining, I saw others giving them the stink eye or saying, "Hey, quit it. Just go with it."

And when the look of frustration on my face reach the "obvious" breaking point, I had some students fighting for me: "Guys, just be quiet! Listen!"

It wasn't easy - though I think I'm better off than some other teachers. (My wonderful neighbor came into my second period with her iPad blaring some kind of music and she asked me how to turn it off. I love helping her, simply because it reminds me that I'm not desperate. Technology doesn't repel me. I know something and can help somewhere.)

When I finally did get somethings to work, it was like magic. Was it perfect? No, but things went smoothly. I can only imagine what changes and difficulties we'll face when students get their iPads, but I'm so excited for what it means to their learning.

Roll with the punches, my friends. Letting students know you're human is also a nice choice (every so often, that is!). Don't get frustrated easily - and don't give up. Things will work out... at least they did before computers, white boards, and book printing, right?

Today, Mrs. Brown is a FLOW-RIDER.

The Post Ice Cream Rush

Sorry for being so down yesterday - I guess I'm no better than my students. I was as dead as they were on a Monday...

But ice cream always does the trick.

In some of my conversations with other interns last night, a wise new teacher encouraged me to get feedback from my students. He'd encouraged me to not let those negative student voices get stuck in my head - more often than not those students who belligerently denounce your lesson and your attempts to engage students in an exciting and meaningful way are just negative overall. It's not my lesson or my failure. In addition, getting feedback from students allows me to see that some students are enjoying our classroom activities.

So, I put a new poll on our edmodo website asking them to rate which novel assignments they liked the most (since I had received negative comments today about our Novel #4 book review).

And the great thing about asking students for feedback is this: they feel empowered to give you more. After introducing the poll and telling students that I'm interested about how they feel about the assignment, I had students come up with me with ideas to do book trailers, children's books, and even podcasts about their future assignments. Some of them even said, "We should do our book projects like the stuff we're doing in class now!" (where I gave them several genres to choose from and they got to decide what they did).

Do I take their feedback with a grain of salt? Yes. When nearly every student in my second period class gave me a thumbs down for their opinion declaration about this assignment, I knew it wasn't a hit, but I also knew to ask deeper questions. Some of them said that they felt this was the hardest assignment we've done because I asked them to state their opinion and give me evidence (which is the skill we are working on as a department for term 2). That was such great feedback! Now I know I need to do some more in depth modeling of how to cite evidence and how to use evidence from texts to back up your own claims.

Am I doing everything my friends are doing or that other teachers in the department are doing? No. But what I am doing is being well-received (by about 85% of my students), so I can't be doing it all wrong, now can I?

We'll see how that poll on Edmodo turns out! Here's to giving students a say in the matter - I guess that's what we all are wanting, now isn't it?

The Blur...And Avoiding the Rut

Monday is hit or miss... I never know if students are going to come in dead from the weekend or bouncing off the walls...

Today was a dead day.

Grammar instruction seems so much worse when all of your students are dead (probably from playing in the snow all weekend!).

But when my 4th period class came in and no one was ready for Reader's Response (which means they all get zeros), I didn't lose it... but I lost it. I maintained my composure but pretty much had another, "What on earth do you want out of school anyway?" kind of lectures...

I don't think those lectures are effective at all, so I think I'm going to stop and adopt a much more flexible attitude. More like, "Oh are you unprepared? Wow. Stinks for you." Probably immature and unprofessional. I'll work on that...

So 4th period was lame.

(momentary vent: I just hate that some of these students don't want to learn and that I feel powerless to do anything about it. Even when I try with pop culture articles, popular song lyrics, funny comics, sports articles and analogies, etc - my fourth period just seems to be too cool for anything that I wield at them. And when I ask other 8th grade teachers about it, they recommend activities that I have tried that my students have snubbed their noses at! My frustration level is steadily climbing, but I'm grateful that I have a class that is challenging my every word and every educational decision. There's nothing better for reflection and improvement, right?)

But then in 6th period, one of my seventh graders read from his novel and totally brought out his secret Yoda-awesomeness. He's one of my shyest students, so I was so not prepared for his courageous storytelling as he read from his star wars novel! My jaw literally hit the floor as he creatively narrated his chosen passage and included a very cute Yoda voice. Those moments of surprise when students completely blow your expectations out of the water - that's my reason to celebrate today.

But I have to be careful as November, December and the dead-cold loom at my doorstep - I know I'm prone to being very down on myself at this time of year. Holidays. Psh. Love them. HATE THEM. 

As I left our intern class tonight, I had to fight back tears. And I have no idea why. Okay - I do. I'm prone to comparing, so when I hear other interns talking about these awesome lessons they are putting together and how they are on their 4th unit of the year and how wonderfully their lessons went over with their classes, I have an emotional break-down and assume that I must be doing something wrong if I'm so far behind or if I haven't had the same kinds of successes...

And then I take a deep breath and decide to be rational: that intern has 90 minute class periods every day - she has twice as much time as I do with my students. Of course she's going to be on her 4th unit of the year. That other intern teaches high school and as much as I want to be talking about transcendentalism in my classes, I'm still working on complete sentences with my students. That other intern has a department that requires that he cover certain skills in a workbook, so of course he has those resources for vocabulary instruction.

I just feel like there's so much I should be doing, and in the face of it all, I feel like everything I've done so far just isn't enough to hold up.

But I know that's not true...

Tomorrow, I'll try to believe it. Tonight, I'm going to eat some ice cream.