It's all a little too real...

Last night we had THE discussion - the oh-my-gosh-I'm-really-moving-on-and-now-i-have-to-be-a-grown-up-and-get-a-job-by-myself discussion.

I might have started to hyperventilate. Just sayin.

It's all a little too real. Every time I allow myself to think about it too long, I am convinced that I've just been faking it. I'm a fake teacher. I have no idea if I am doing it right...

My husband's good to keep some sense in our conversations when I start to fall apart, and he was quick to remind me that I've only ever been told I'm doing good things.

But when my success is not determined by how well I incorporate aspects of good teaching but rather on my students and their abilities to do well on those state tests, I feel a little out of control.

Bah. Hum. Bug.

I spoke with the Department Chair last night and let him know that I was interested in a position at my current school. He encouraged me to be forthright and let the principal know in a very professional manner that I'm interested in a position at the school...

I just have to remember that I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.

Today students completed their book report. I tried something a little more traditional to see if I got different responses, but I'm still getting students who (after 4 weeks) are telling me that they had no idea they were supposed to have read a book. Which is the biggest ba-log-na I have ever heard since they know that reading at home is the only homework I give them in my class.

Oh well - the pile of grading keeps getting bigger and I hope it becomes more and more hopeful too.

I guess it's all about how you look at it.

So I'm going to get some rose-colored glasses. :D