Monday is hit or miss... I never know if students are going to come in dead from the weekend or bouncing off the walls...
Today was a dead day.
Grammar instruction seems so much worse when all of your students are dead (probably from playing in the snow all weekend!).
But when my 4th period class came in and no one was ready for Reader's Response (which means they all get zeros), I didn't lose it... but I lost it. I maintained my composure but pretty much had another, "What on earth do you want out of school anyway?" kind of lectures...
I don't think those lectures are effective at all, so I think I'm going to stop and adopt a much more flexible attitude. More like, "Oh are you unprepared? Wow. Stinks for you." Probably immature and unprofessional. I'll work on that...
So 4th period was lame.
(momentary vent: I just hate that some of these students don't want to learn and that I feel powerless to do anything about it. Even when I try with pop culture articles, popular song lyrics, funny comics, sports articles and analogies, etc - my fourth period just seems to be too cool for anything that I wield at them. And when I ask other 8th grade teachers about it, they recommend activities that I have tried that my students have snubbed their noses at! My frustration level is steadily climbing, but I'm grateful that I have a class that is challenging my every word and every educational decision. There's nothing better for reflection and improvement, right?)
But then in 6th period, one of my seventh graders read from his novel and totally brought out his secret Yoda-awesomeness. He's one of my shyest students, so I was so not prepared for his courageous storytelling as he read from his star wars novel! My jaw literally hit the floor as he creatively narrated his chosen passage and included a very cute Yoda voice. Those moments of surprise when students completely blow your expectations out of the water - that's my reason to celebrate today.
But I have to be careful as November, December and the dead-cold loom at my doorstep - I know I'm prone to being very down on myself at this time of year. Holidays. Psh. Love them. HATE THEM.
As I left our intern class tonight, I had to fight back tears. And I have no idea why. Okay - I do. I'm prone to comparing, so when I hear other interns talking about these awesome lessons they are putting together and how they are on their 4th unit of the year and how wonderfully their lessons went over with their classes, I have an emotional break-down and assume that I must be doing something wrong if I'm so far behind or if I haven't had the same kinds of successes...
And then I take a deep breath and decide to be rational: that intern has 90 minute class periods every day - she has twice as much time as I do with my students. Of course she's going to be on her 4th unit of the year. That other intern teaches high school and as much as I want to be talking about transcendentalism in my classes, I'm still working on complete sentences with my students. That other intern has a department that requires that he cover certain skills in a workbook, so of course he has those resources for vocabulary instruction.
I just feel like there's so much I should be doing, and in the face of it all, I feel like everything I've done so far just isn't enough to hold up.
But I know that's not true...
Tomorrow, I'll try to believe it. Tonight, I'm going to eat some ice cream.
I hope that you notice the backlog of comments I'm preparing to make because after reading this post I'm wondering if you really realize how good you are at this teaching thing.
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to compare yourself to others and to hear about their great things and compare those great things to your own worst things. However, that's so not healthy. You are teaching in a unique context--the grade, the school, the ability level of your classes (the list could go on)--are all different than the other interns. Therefore, what you're doing is going to be different than what they are doing. Listen to them to get good ideas, but don't be discouraged if your not getting transcendental discussions out of your 7th graders. That's not how you're measuring their growth. However, you should remember that the comments they are making do demonstrate significant growth and that is what matters.
Eat your ice cream, but call me if you need a reminder of the fantastic things happening in your classroom.