It's called Accountability

Remember my earlier rant on how 7th and 8th graders don't understand responsibility? I take it back.

They understand. They're just learning.

Tonight was parent teacher conferences. From the recesses of my brain, memories of MY parent teacher conferences were very different. My parents and I individually conferenced with my teachers during an actual parent/teacher appointment that lasted about 5-10 minutes. 

So maybe that was elementary school, but still. I was a little overwhelmed to learn that parent teacher conferences would last for SIX HOURS and parents/students would just come into my classroom  throughout that period to talk with me. All at once, in some instances.

So I did everything I could to make those six hours flow seamlessly. I created a class newsletter for parents to inform them about things happening in our class. I also included "Round the Table" questions for them to be able to ask their students (to replace the classic, "What did you learn at school today?" which was never that fruitful in my memory. Parents loved that. I played a slideshow with pictures of my students working in class, participating in White Board Discussions, viewing different student assignments during our museum walks, etc. I even played music from UP to tie the classroom all together.

But it was what I did with my students that day that really stamped Parent/Teacher conferences with a brand of success. I had printed out individual progress reports for each student. That day in class, since we're talking about different writing genres, we talked about the "rules" of a letter. They were great at it - we talked about the greeting and the closing, as well as the traditional organization of a letter. Then, they wrote their own. They wrote a letter to their parents to inform them about what we're doing in class, to explain their grades (good or bad), and to set goals for improvement. 

Best. Idea. Ever.

When parents came in the door, students knew to go and get the letter they had written. I watched from a distance as some of the parents started to cry, smile, or burst a blood vessel. Then, I joined the conversation. I placed myself beside the parent and simply turned the time over to the student to have him or her report on what we were seeing. Gah. So wonderful. I saw so many students taking ownership for their grades - "Mom, I know I can do better. I just have a hard time keeping track of the work I have to do" or "Dad, I really work hard in this class and I talk to Mrs. Brown a lot to make sure that I really understand what we're doing in class and the projects and stuff."

They were like tiny little adults stuck in pubescent bodies. 

Loved it. It made the night incredibly easy for me, allowing me to team up with the parents for their child's success rather than feel targeted as the grade giver. 

Plus, it just felt so good to let parents know how wonderful their children are. Most of them probably know, but I have a feeling that some students don't hear it a lot and it felt so good to watch them start to blush or smile as I sang their praises and encouraged them to improve. 

But Parent Teacher Conferences weren't without a few hiccups. During class, I had one student (who is typically absent about 2-3 days every week) refuse to write a letter. She sat there for all of class with her head on her desk (which I wasn't aware of until the end of class because another student was crying to me - a whole other story, but wonderful, nonetheless), and when I collected the letters from them, her attempt stuff her progress report into her bag without me noticing was anything but obvious. I kept her in class after the bell and asked why.

"I went to the dentist yesterday [another absence from my class] and I just have a really painful toothache today. I'm just in so much pain."

You have to understand . . . this student is gone ALL THE TIME. She said that she has lots of doctor's appointments and MRIs, but a person can only get so many MRIs in a single month, right? I want to sympathize. But her mom has yet to bring in a doctor's note even after the insistence of the school counselor. Hmmm....

I'm not judging in any way, but I do, as her teacher, have to have expectations and requirements for her. So when she had chosen to sit all period long and not do a thing, I called her on it.

"(Student), why didn't you let me know?"

shoulder shrug 

"Nope, shoulder shrugs don't work with me. This [the blank progress report which showed that I have no work from her at all] doesn't tell me you were in pain. This tells me you didn't even try. At least if you had tried to write, Dear Mom, I'm in so much pain right now... I would have been able to see you try!"

"Well, my tooth just really hurts..."

"I know, (Student), and I don't wish that kind of pain on anyone, but what do you want me to do? Do you think it's fair if I just say, Don't worry about doing any of the work for my class? I don't have anything for you at this point, (Student). I have no way to even assess where you are at right now as a student because I have no work from you." 

Pause.

"What do you want me to do for you?" I asked her.

Shoulder shrug.

"(Student), I'm sorry. But you will not be able to leave this classroom until you write the letter for your mom. At least let her know that you're in so much pain that you can't even do the work for my class. That's a serious problem and she needs to know that." 

So she walked back to her desk and wrote for the next three minutes, proving to me that she could do the work. 

The minute school was over, the counseling office got a call from her mother complaining that I was not accommodating her as a student and that I was forcing her to do work that she shouldn't have to be doing. I panicked about meeting this parent for the next six hours, but she never showed up.

The counselor let me know that I did the right thing for now - that specific accommodations can't be rightfully given until we do have a doctor's note. 

I guess I was just spoiled with parents who demanded more from me. I remember my dad literally dragging me out of bed to go to seminary even though I said I felt tired and sick (when really I had made some not so wise choices the night before and stayed up late). He taught me about accountability, and I'm so grateful for the parents who see that as a valuable lesson. 

It's not just about English here. It's about recognizing the expectations of our society and our culture. You still have to do your taxes, even if you have a headache. You still have to take a test for your driver's license, even if you forgot to study. You still have to go to work each day, even if you are tired and worn out and stressed.

My dad taught me that. I'm realizing that my dad taught me a lot of what has helped me be successful today. All of growing up, I never saw my dad call in sick to work. Not a once. He still got sick, but he knew he still had responsibilities, and he wouldn't let me off the hook on mine either. 

I know - super long post. But I am so grateful for the parents who are involved. Who have high expectations for their students. Who challenge them and praise them and love them. Kudos to those parents because their children know it.

And to those students whose parents may not be ready or willing to do the same, I hope they know that I have high expectations for them. It's definitely something I know I can work on. 

Here's to learning the balance between justice and mercy. Not an easy task...but it's my new adventure.