Getting excessive? Oh yeah.
I'm literally getting ready to leave my classroom when another staff member at the school comes to talk to me about one of my students (the one I spoke about on the day of parent teacher conferences).
She says, "I noticed that (Student) is missing several assignments for your class. I asked her if she knew what they were and she said no because she was absent the days you did them."
Of course she was absent, I thought. She's always absent.
"We just wanted to know if there was any way she could turn them in now."
Um. Yup. I have an extremely flexible late policy that I told (Student) about the day before. But of course she didn't tell this staff member that.
"Well, I know that (Student) has a lot of issues. She's actually friends with my daughter, so I know that she sometimes has seizures which are very serious. I mean, I had a friend die from that a couple years ago."
Gah. Straight to the heart. Thank you for that. That's not implying anything like I should be treating her with much more fragile care, is it?
I explained to this staff member that I had spoken with (Student) about her work just previous to their discussion. She found an assignment that was already done in her backpack - shocker - and I had her turn it in. I then gave her a second copy of the other assignment she was missing and wrote down instructions for her on the assignment so that she wouldn't forget what she needed to do. I also had her write it in her planner to remember.
"I just think she's a little afraid to talk to you about it. Do you get that feeling?"
WHY? Why on earth is she afraid to talk to me? I have given her every extension, I have told her that I'll accept her late work assignments long after they were due, I have even edited assignments for her so that they are more doable! But I won't let her off the hook. Why is that so scary? What is so scary about Mrs. Brown?
Am I not doing enough? Am I being too hard on her? Am I not being understanding enough of individual situations? I want to make sure I hold high expectations for my students, especially when I can see that they CAN! But should I be rethinking that belief?
I could probably be more inquisitive with my students - taking the time to have them sit down and tell me what's really going on. But when I try to do that, I'm usually met with shoulder shrugs. GAH. My mentor uses humor to defuse the situation - but my humor can be much more sarcastic, which is not going to help. So I came up with some goals...
My de-scary-fying plan:
- Be all smiles no matter who I'm talking to or what their situation is.
- Use a gentle voice with students that I talk to individually. Actually, let's go with overly gentle.
- Be consistently encouraging; say things like, "I believe in you and I know you can do this," rather than saying things like, "This is unacceptable. I know you can do better."
- Focus and play up the positive. It's not just about what they haven't done, it's about what they have done and how what they HAVE done is going to make what they NEED to still do that much easier.
- Have students come and meet me after school for one-on-one discussions. The during-passing conversations are usually rushed and soaked in my stress of preparing for the next class, so they are probably not sending the message I intend to be sending.
- Write notes to students who I already know are feeling "iffy" about me. Hopefully that personal attention will be evidence of some kind of love and care.
- Be proactive and contact the parents after tense situations. Maybe that will allow me to preempt the inevitable "Mrs. Brown isn't accommodating my student" phone call. And hopefully that will build a bridge that will make it easier for the parents and the student to talk to me when there are concerns.
- Remember that these are sensitive years. If I say one negative word in a stream of positive words, they will only walk out with that ounce of negativity.
So for now, I'm all smiles and gentle voices with a hand on the shoulder, a high five or fist bump. And on Monday, I might wear a shirt that says, "I'm a nice person. I promise." It might not meet with the dress code, but we'll see if that works. :D
Girl, you should have gone home 5 minutes earlier. Instead of writing that last blog, you should have snuck out the back door...or the fire escape by the window.
ReplyDeleteFrom my position, I'd say perspective is everything and interpretation is 9/10ths of the law. Everyone has a different perspective on each of these situations, which leads to totally different interpretations, which consequently makes us wonder if we are communicating in the same language and even on the same planet sometimes. That's my way of saying not to be too hard on yourself about this girl.
I think you're ideas for showing an increase of love are great and as long as you don't burn out, I have no doubt from both a professional and spiritual perspective that they will work wonders. However, don't forget that justice and mercy are two parts of the same gospel--this girl still needs to be accountable.
My favorite guiding thought as a teacher is "with a big enough smile and enough love you can say anything," coupled with "you could love anyone if you knew their story." I don't doubt you do love your students, even those who seem to be pills. I also don't doubt that you can say what you need to say. Keep checking to see what else you can do, but don't forget to hold them accountable as well.
Hope you got that weekend off...and dinner.