All of my college Education professors made teaching seem as easy as sleeping in on vacation - where it wasn't just easy, it was also obvious. They just knew. They knew the right thing to say, the right procedures to include in a given class, the right assignments to challenge a student without paralyzing him or her with fear.
So when one of your professors comes to observe your teaching, it puts your nerves in an inexplicably sensitive place, like a microscopic vice just waiting to be tightened at the instant you see a pair of raised eyebrows, a yawn, a shake of the head...
So when my supervisor entered my rowdiest eighth grade period, I had to pretend she wasn't there.
She's not there...
She's not there...
She's not taking notes on every erroneous word I say...
She's not there...
In hindsight, my fears were utterly unwarranted. Don't get me wrong, there were moments during class that I wanted to look at her and say, Help. But I realized that I knew how to teach.
We had some time during my prep to reflect on that period, and during that reflection, many of the moments she pointed out as good teaching techniques were completely off-the-cuff. I suppose this is more of a confession (since my supervisor is one of the only readers of this silly little blog), but it's true! That moment where a student asked a question for the 1000th time and I turned to the rest of the class and said, "Who can answer that for (student name)?"- that was not planned! Though I'd love to take credit for being the genius who gives Master's-Thesis attention to every word that comes out of my mouth, I can't.
Do you know how comforting that is? Don't get me wrong, many of my gut urges aren't always spot on with the latest teaching and classroom management techniques, but I'm learning that teaching can be intuitive.
It was extremely beneficial to reflect with her - and the opportunities for improvement are numerous, of course, but doable! It makes me feel like every teacher needs someone to come observe them every 10 days, too! You just don't think about different kinds of organizational techniques unless someone else offers a new eye to the situation.
So next time, maybe those emotional vices can take a break while I teach with confidence, knowing I'm not perfect but allowing myself to trust that new teacher gut that I seem to be growing inside of me. Keep growing, little teacher gut. I know I'll need you tomorrow.
If it's of any consolation, I still get nervous when someone else comes in to watch me teach too. It feels like all of the worst parts of your teacher self are out there on display and that they are obvious to the whole world--or at least those watching you.
ReplyDeleteHowever, although you should want to improve, you should focus on the great things that you do. Sometimes it's nice to have those intuitive things fall into place, but as you continue to teach and have time to think about how to be more purposeful about your teaching, understanding why you do the intuitive things you do will help you justify what you do as a teacher and help others engage in those same useful practices.
In other words, trust your gut and just keep reading:)
And for those readers who don't know, Cali did a fabulous job;)